When you first meet someone, it’s not always easy to tell if they are toxic or untrustworthy, but over time, you can learn a lot about them based on their body language, what they say, and how they make you feel. If something seems “off,” trust your instinct, whether it’s with a potential date, an enigmatic neighbor, or even a random stranger on the street.
This is especially true if the other person is trying to manipulate you, which may cause you to perceive them as potentially dangerous or cause you to recognize when you’re being taken advantage of. When that happens, even if they try to reassure you that nothing is wrong, err on the side of caution and make an effort to get away from the situation as quickly and safely as you can.
“Try not to backtrack on it if you feel like you need to leave someone or end a relationship,” advises Nicole Issa, Psy.
D.
, a certified psychologist, tells Bustle. Whenever you feel a need for assistance, turn to a friend or a higher authority.
Naturally, not everybody who exudes a “creepy” aura poses a threat. However, if you notice even one of the red flags that a person is not trustworthy, take some time to think about who they are and whether they have your best interests in mind.
Your physical restrictions are ignored by them.
Take it as a major warning sign if someone is disregarding your boundaries. Amica Graber, a relationship expert for the background-checking website TruthFinder, tells Bustle that some examples include standing too close to you (and following if you step further away), refusing to take no for an answer, or even “innocent” activities like tickling you when you’ve asked [them] to stop.
Graber says that while some people simply don’t know how to take hints, dangerous individuals may carry out these actions in order to test your resolve and determine whether you are capable of going further.
They keep their gaze fixed on you.
Sociopaths, narcissists, and other manipulative individuals are examples. — many have a propensity for keeping a close eye on others. If you happen to look them in the eye, they won’t look away right away. They’ll keep making that intense eye contact, though.
According to Patti Wood, MA, a body language expert, “they look at their target with [a] focused, intense gaze,” typically as a way to test boundaries. “They might act or say inconveniently just before or after the hypnotic gaze to see how the target reacts. “.
Wood advises breaking eye contact or backing away to observe their reaction in order to determine whether the situation is actually unsafe. You’ll know your intuition was right if they become upset or if you experience extreme relief.
They control the conversation.
In contrast to those who simply enjoy talking, manipulators will attempt to control entire conversations. According to Wood, “this ‘over talking’ involves auditory space invasion and other paralinguistic factors that show they are in control.”. It may be hypnotic to listen to them because they frequently have a charming demeanor and are skilled storytellers. Chances are if you keep focusing on them, they’ll continue doing it.
Due to this, being an attention-seeker who enjoys talking a lot and dominating conversations is another red flag of an unreliable person. These people can never get enough of your time or attention, according to licensed mental health counselor Shannon Gunnip, LMHC, BC-TMH. To shock you or maintain your interest, she says, “they might say or do things in a dramatic or over-the-top way.”. “They will persist more if you pay them more attention. Because they will emotionally drain you without returning any positive energy, this kind of person might not be reliable. “.
Their Mood Alters Quickly.
When interacting with others, be alert for abrupt mood swings because narcissists frequently exhibit extreme anger when things don’t go their way. They are able to instantly change themselves and all of their nonverbal behaviors, according to Wood.
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A good example of this might be going from being incredibly sweet to being incredibly irritated, and then back again. Or, according to Wood, they might transform into a totally different “character” in order to get what they want. You might not even be aware of the manipulation until the person has already sucked you in.
Consequently, pay attention to how a person behaves when they are not successful.
You might want to avoid them if you witness them changing completely.
They seem unrelated.
The same is true for oddly disconnected eye contact as it is for intense eye contact, which can be a warning sign. Additionally, Wood asserts that this is true if you would characterize the person as having “dead behind the eyes,” as this is a characteristic shared by sociopaths and narcissists.
The ability to make eye contact is not a skill that everyone possesses, but if you’re getting other unsettling vibes, add this to the list of possible indicators that it might be best to end the conversation and leave.
Too soon, they start to open up.
According to psychotherapist Dr. Laura Dabney, M.D., if you’ve just met someone and they’re already exposing all of their secrets, there’s a chance they’re not reliable or stable. , according to Bustle. It can easily spiral out of control in addition to displaying a lack of boundaries.
Basically, if someone is willing to heap all that on you within the first few minutes of meeting, it may indicate that they lack complete control over themselves and their actions. Being able to trust other people is one thing. However, it can become emotionally draining very quickly if this person views you as a person to whom they can air all of their problems. Consider it a red flag, at the very least.
They Say Cruel Things.
You probably won’t want to spend much time with someone who is being rude. That’s a wise decision given that it’s frequently a symptom of more serious issues.
According to Adamaris Mendoza, LPC, MA, a licensed psychotherapist and relationship coach, “potentially dangerous people frequently turn to belittling others in order to manipulate them.”. So, if this person is making you or those around you uncomfortable, pay attention.
The goal of what they do, according to Mendoza, can be accomplished in a variety of ways: they want to make the other person (their intended victim) feel unworthy. “They may choose to make fun of your appearance, your physical appearance, your goals, your friends, your job, or your dreams. “.
Again, it can be challenging to recognize because it is so manipulative. But you can be safer by being aware of the warning signs and being aware of some of the ruses employed by dishonest people.
They are well-versed beyond their station.
In the event that the person you are going on a date with is already aware of your place of employment, educational background, etc. even if they make an effort to act as though looking people up is “normal,” don’t dismiss it.
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Yes, it is common practice to quickly search before spending the evening with a complete stranger. However, Issa cautions, “this could be a sign that [it] went beyond the norm and crossed over into stalking if someone starts telling you about information that likely showed up on, say, page five of your [search] results. “.
Don’t be afraid to contact authorities if what they’re saying disturbs you. If you’re out to dinner, you can also approach a bartender or a server and ask for assistance.
They Travel Very Quickly.
It’s simple to take it as a compliment if your new relationship with that person seems to be growing quickly. But as Issa notes, “often, people who are likely to harm others will sweep in quickly and forcefully and try to foster a sense of false trust. You might want to take a step back if everything seems to be happening too quickly or is too good to be true.
This person might be very risk-taking and enjoy new and exciting things. They often act impulsively, according to Gunnip. “A risk-taker might not be a reliable person because they might put you in circumstances that test your limits. There’s a chance that this kind of relationship might develop into something emotionally intense and unstable.
