It is essentially necessary for you and your partner to develop a positive communication style if you want your relationship to last for a long time. It’s not always simple to get on the same page because everyone communicates differently, but poor communication in a relationship can have serious consequences.
If you and your partner get caught in a cycle of poor communication, it will be difficult for the partnership to survive when the going (inevitably) gets tough. How couples talk to each other during arguments can make or break a relationship.
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Toni Coleman, LCSW, CMC, a psychotherapist, relationship coach, and divorce mediator, tells Bustle that these are indications that a relationship won’t last: “If you don’t feel listened to, respected for your thoughts and opinions, even when you disagree, and comfortable speaking your mind.”. If you and your partner are genuinely motivated to improve your relationship’s communication, it is possible to address any issues that are brought on by difficulties in listening to and expressing one another’s feelings. ”.
What Characterizes Effective Communication?
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Every couple will have their own communication style based on what works best for them, but even though communication may look different from couple to couple, there are still some fundamental principles of good communication that all healthy couples share. According to licensed and nationally certified mental health therapist Tamara Hill, “healthy communication in a relationship includes equal expression of values, needs, wants, and desires.”. “It also includes boundaries and honesty. Relationships are likely to fail without these things. ”.
It’s important to keep an eye on how your partner communicates in both good and bad times, even if things seem easygoing in the beginning of the relationship. “There is a strong likelihood that the individual will fall back into their comfortable patterns of communication once novelty and the romantic phase of the relationship wears off,” says Hill. The likelihood of this person improving their communication skills is slim if their “comfortable pattern of communication” involves giving you the silent treatment, acting passive-aggressively, ignoring you, downplaying events, projecting their feelings, or denying events. ”.
What Indicates Inadequate Communication In A Relationship?
It is always possible that all you need to do is sit down with your partner and have a serious discussion to agree on how you both communicate and handle conflicts. There is no reason to believe your relationship is doomed as long as you both are willing to work on developing healthy communication (both individually and as a couple). It becomes risky for the future of your relationship, though, if there is a communication gap that neither you nor your partner is willing to address. Here are ten communication patterns that might indicate your relationship won’t be long-lasting.
1.
They only communicate via text.
There is nothing wrong with having a “textual” relationship with your date, but a partner who is hesitant (or outright refuses) to call you on the phone — whether it’s to confirm your dinner plans or just to check in on you — may only be willing to put forth the bare minimum. In other words, it’s time for a check-in if your significant other insists on text-only conversations.
Relationship expert Lori Bizzoco tells Bustle that if your partner relies heavily on texting but avoids phone calls or even face-to-face communication, this could be a warning sign. “Texting can be done quickly, easily, and with little effort. Not to mention, texting can be a convenient way to avoid instantly responding. They might be trying to avoid you by doing this. ”.
2.
To You, They Lie.
You must build trust with your partner if you want a healthy relationship, but if you notice that they routinely lie, no matter how small the lie, it can be challenging to do so.
According to Bizzoco, “Anytime your partner is not honest with you is a red flag.”. “Even if it’s just a tiny white lie, it can show that they might not always be honest with you. This may prompt you to wonder what else they might later lie about. ”.
3.
Problems are not openly discussed by them.
Couples need to be able to discuss their feelings and concerns openly and feel at ease asking for what they need in the relationship if they want their relationship to endure all the challenges and issues that come up. Long-term compatibility with your partner may not be possible if they aren’t being honest with you or if you feel unable to be honest with them.
According to Bizzoco, “if you feel like your partner isn’t being honest with you, it could predict the challenge of resolving disagreements with one another.”. Fighting and having issues in a relationship are inevitable. But you and your partner won’t be able to become close and understand each other if you are unable to communicate honestly with one another in order to resolve problems. ”.
4.
They frequently interrupt you.
Couples should be able to have conversations where both partners are given the chance to speak their thoughts and be heard, and it’s a red flag if you’re constantly being interrupted if you’re trying to have a conversation with someone who won’t stop cutting you off mid-sentence.
It basically minimizes their partner’s need to be heard, according to Coleman, who claims that interrupting shows impatience and disinterest. The fact that couples frequently bring up problems in counseling over time has a major deterrent effect. ”.
5.
You Get the Silent Treatment, they say.
Giving someone the silent treatment is never acceptable, even if you occasionally need some distance from your partner.
According to Dr. Fran Walfish, a family and relationship psychotherapist, “[It’s a red flag if] your partner goes MIA and punishes you with silence.”. The receiving partner is hurt and enraged by this hostile passive-aggressive behavior.
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6.
When arguing, they become defensive.
It can be difficult to communicate without becoming defensive during a heated argument, but that type of “communication” is unhealthy and only serves to exacerbate the issue at hand.
Coleman asserts that “this kind of scenario degenerates into shouting matches, hurtful words being hurled at one another, off-base accusations, and silence. If this keeps happening, trust will be lost, and intimacy will be destroyed. ”.
