The ability to share your life with someone else is one of the best aspects of a committed partnership. You share a home, eat meals together, and frequently talk. Your lives are intertwined completely. However, when it comes to leaving a long-term toxic relationship, these once-adorable things can make it seem insurmountable.
Whether a long-term relationship is toxic or not, ending it is no laughing matter. Obviously, it’s difficult to tear yourself away from someone who has become so ingrained in your life. However, codependency, anxiety, fear, and low self-esteem are mixed in with unhealthy (or even abusive) relationships. This combination is unpleasant.
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For those of you in such a situation, I bet you’ve tried to leave a hundred times but just can’t seem to figure out how to let go or when. By delaying the inevitable for a day (or year), you might feel sick at the mere thought of it. Or perhaps you’ve persuaded yourself that everything will be okay or that your partner isn’t all that bad. However, this way of thinking only prolongs toxic relationships, which is not a good thing.
So how do you know when you’re actually ready to leave? “Someone might realize they are finally ready to move on from a relationship like this, when they have done some work on themselves, and have a better sense of self-esteem. They are aware of what they want and deserve, and when they begin to consider things in these terms, they realize it’s probably time to start moving on, according to Nicole Martinez, a psychologist.
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via email to Bustle, LCPC.
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Here are some things you can do if you’re thinking about finally leaving. I’m crossing my fingers that you’ll soon be able to transition to a happier, healthier relationship.
No More Excuses.
First things first: you need to stop rationalizing your behavior, your partner’s actions, your decision to stay in the relationship, etc.
TheFrisky .
com advice columnist Wendy Atterberry claims that when you stop, you’ll be able to see the relationship more clearly. You’ll be able to see that you don’t want to continue to be a part of it once you’ve done that.
Exercise Some Ownership.
When you can clearly see that this is completely over, you should start moving. “Assume responsibility for your decision. Determine what you want in a relationship and in life, advised Marcia Reynolds, Psy.
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via Psychology Today. Set a departure date if you are certain that you won’t find it in your current relationship.
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Keep in mind who you once were.
The prospect of leaving is beginning to fill you with dread, so you might feel a little unsure (for the a hundredth time) at this point. If that happens, go back in time to when you were single and daydream about your old life. It’s simple to forget that you used to be a self-sufficient individual who enjoyed life, as Atterberry put it. “Remember that life with all of the people, places, and things in it. And anticipate getting everything back.
Enhance Your Self-Esteem.
As you are aware, toxic relationships are often the result of low self-esteem.
According to Suzanna Lachmann, Psy, this could make you feel like you shouldn’t leave because you’re lucky to have anyone at all (even if they’re toxic).
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as seen on Psychology Today. Start putting yourself forward because you know in your heart that’s not the case. Acknowledge that you are not only awesome on your own, but also awesome enough to attract a much better relationship if you would just give it a try.
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Share This Information With Your Partner.
So you’ve been working on yourself and have made the decision to go. You should tell your SO right away. Reynolds advised choosing a private location where you could discuss your choice with your partner. In case the response is hostile or manipulative, be ready to maintain your composure. Yes, it will be unpleasant, but it must be done.
Discuss Logistics.
Talking logistics is essential because unraveling your lives may be challenging. “If you’ve been living together, decide who is leaving when. These are difficult conversations to have, but the more clear you can be, the easier the breakup will be for both of you, according to columnist Sarah Abdell on The Telegraph. If you have any joint possessions, how will you split them? Will there be any contact?
Locate a location.
It will be much more difficult to decide where to go if you guys live together. The process can become much more frightening than it needs to be if you don’t know whether you’ll move back in with your parents or rent an apartment alone, so make a decision about this as soon as possible. It will be much simpler to leave once you have a new place to go.
Set some restrictions.
You’ll need to establish some limits in order to prevent undoing all of your previous progress. You don’t need to explain your reasons for leaving again, Reynolds said. Make the decision that the conversations, phone calls, and any other contacts you’ve deemed unimportant are over. The only way to actually move on from something is to turn it off.
- Be Prepared To Feel Sad.
You probably won’t feel any better right away, but you’ll move on and recover quickly.
There’s a good chance you won’t experience any more drama, but there’s also a good chance you won’t feel happy for several days, weeks, or months. Be prepared for this and don’t let it hinder your advancement. Take your time and experience all your emotions. Soon enough, they’ll go away, and you’ll be glad you persisted.
Be sure to look after yourself.
I bet you haven’t taken care of yourself well in years if your relationship was truly toxic. If I’m right, then it’s time to repair all that harm. Get outside and go for a jog or brisk walk. Feed your body and nourish your soul with enjoyable activities. And, as the saying goes, “fake it until you make it.” said Atterberry. You’ll feel great as rain in no time.
Keep quiet around them.
Let me gently remind you not to speak to your ex. If you can maintain a friendship with your ex, great. Nevertheless, it’s more likely than not that staying in touch will make the situation worse. Remove any evidence of them if that appears to be the case, including their phone number, photos, and old t-shirt. It is much simpler to move on when you do this.
Recall the lessons you learned.
Relationships with toxic people are unpleasant because they seem pointless. They are completely in most ways. So it can be beneficial to keep in mind the lessons you took away from everything as you’re accepting that and moving on. Inquire about what you have learned from the experience, as Reynolds put it. As you proceed, make a note of your responses so you can frequently refer to them. You had a reason for leaving. Verify that it shapes your next relationship rather than derailing it. ”.
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Get Rid Of Abusive Relationships Immediately.
Let’s discuss the worst case scenario — abusive relationships — to wrap this up. It is undoubtedly challenging if you’re in one in many ways, with leaving being the biggest challenge. But doing so is still an option and a necessity. If the relationship is abusive, leave, do so as soon as it is safe to do so, and don’t turn around, advises Martinez. As easy (and difficult) as that.
Remember there are resources available as you go through this process, whether it be a close friend, a therapist, or a women’s organization. Any degree of toxic relationships is not enjoyable or healthy. Moving on as soon as possible will help you feel better more quickly. That alone makes it worthwhile.
