You’ve been dating your partner for a while and have just mustered up the courage to say those three magic words. Saying “I love you” for the first time is a significant event even though it only takes three words and eight letters. It can be terrifying to express your emotions because you never know if they will be met with a similar response. It can feel like the worst thing in the world when you tell someone you love them and they don’t return the feeling, but experts say you shouldn’t be concerned.
According to clinical psychologist and author Dr. Carla Marie Manly, “It’s really scary for a person to venture forward to say ‘I love you. When (and if) the other person is falling in love at the same pace, many new couples actually engage in an unconscious game of “feeling it out. “.
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If you are prepared to express your love without waiting, Dr. Manly suggests a few actions. Get to know your true feelings first. According to Dr. Manly, it’s simple to mistake infatuation, passion, or the simple joy of dating for love in the early stages of a relationship. Your “I love you” won’t be sincere if you mistake lust for love. The truth is that it’s more likely coming from a place of insecurity, and your partner might not respond favorably to the circumstance.
However, go ahead and say it if you’re truly in love and want to. And here’s what experts advise you to do if you find yourself in a situation where you’re saying “I love you” to your partner but not getting a response.
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It’s simple to get upset with yourself when someone rejects your love declaration after you’ve told them you do. But you’re only human, says Victoria Elf Raymond, PhD, a licensed psychotherapist, according to Bustle. Of course, it feels better when your partner responds in kind, but just because you didn’t get the reaction you wanted doesn’t mean you were wrong for speaking up, she says. Instead, take pride in the fact that you were finally able to say it; not everyone has the same level of bravery. Additionally, it’s preferable to having to consider all the “What ifs?”.
Ieshai Bailey, a licensed therapist, advises against getting angry at them if they don’t return your love, according to Bustle. Despite the fact that it’s common practice to press the issue or challenge their response, doing so may put your partner on the defensive. Bailey said that it was crucial to remain composed.
Do not react or draw conclusions hastily.
Also keep in mind that if they don’t respond right away, it’s not necessarily a bad sign.
Your partner might simply not have an answer ready, according to relationship and communication expert Chloe Ballatore. “It is completely normal for one person to say “I love you” and not receive a response. In my practice, that occurs approximately 50% of the time. “.
While it’s nice to get a response when you say “I love you,” it should never be taken for granted when you’re saying it to someone for the first time. We all exhibit love in very different ways and at different times, as Dr. Raymond observes. “.
Your partner may be more wary of falling in love because of past disappointments or they may simply feel more at ease telling you how they feel. According to Courtney Boyer, a relationship expert, “People who have been hurt by serious relationships may be more hesitant to allow themselves to experience love and verbally acknowledge it (i.
e.
expressing my love for you verbally),” she says. If you didn’t hear the phrase “I love you” said frequently or at all while you were growing up, you might be less likely to say it out loud when your partner does. Give them time to consider the situation, whatever the cause.
Sometimes, without your intention, words just flow out. Relationship expert and spiritual counselor Davida Rappaport advises Bustle, “Just move on, if you find that in a moment of passion or under some other circumstance you tell your partner, “I love you!” and your partner does not tell you that they love you back.”. You could even pretend you never said anything at all if it helps you feel a little better. You’ve already told them how you feel by ignoring it, according to Rappaport. The seed has already been planted. And when you ask them, they will promptly reply.
Remember that everyone is unique when you tell someone you love them and they don’t reciprocate. According to Boyer, “people rarely experience the same intensity of emotions at the same time. It’s likely that one person will fall in love more quickly than the other. This doesn’t imply that your significant other doesn’t feel anything for you or that you’ll always have a little more invested in the union than they do. Just getting a feel for things initially is crucial, for this reason.
You should recognize that you’ve overplayed your hand and decide what to do next, according to relationship expert and author April Maccario of New York. Whatever you do, avoid attempting to coerce your partner into providing a response or making passive-aggressive jokes about the circumstance.
Don’t let the experience of saying “I love you” and not receiving a response discourage you from speaking your mind in the future. According to Ballatore, “love has varied connotations, so some people have it on the tip of their tongue and some people reserve it for rare occasions.”. “How you feel about the other person and their willingness to make and uphold agreements with you are key considerations.
Words are not as powerful as actions.
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While it’s crucial to give your partner enough time to process their emotions, you shouldn’t let the situation go or suppress your emotions until they are ready. Manly claims that for some people, hearing the words “I love you” is essential to feeling secure and connected in their relationship. There will only be pain and resentment if the problem is completely let go. As an alternative, spend some time getting to know your partner and how they feel about those three special words.
“Some people freely . the landscapes of their relationships with ‘I love you’ statements, whereas others are more frugal with these same words,” Manly claims. “Some partners who are less likely to say, ‘I love you,’ nonetheless express their affection in ways that are special to them. Saying “I love you” can trigger unconscious fears of experiencing emotional pain for some partners, however, due to unhealed love-related wounds. Knowing more about your partner can help you get over any worries you may have about their feelings for you because everyone is different.
Moving past issues that may be bothering you is best done by practicing gratitude and reflecting on what you have. Consider your relationship with your partner in this scenario. What did they do to make you feel loved? What made you fall in love with them? “If your partner has a good explanation for not saying ‘I love you,’ the issue can become inconsequential,” Manly advises. “For instance, it might feel okay to not receive an ‘I love you’ from a partner who exhibits a lot of love and affection through deeds of kindness and outward displays of affection. The words “I love you” become ingrained in a couple’s deeply loving daily experiences when they have a heartfelt connection. “.
It’s important to respect your partner’s feelings after talking with them and learning more about the reasons they aren’t saying, “I love you.”. Don’t try to force or change someone who will find it difficult to say those words if you’re with them.
Respecting your own emotions is essential as well. After giving someone some time, you may want to think about whether this is the right person for you if you depend on hearing “I love you” to feel secure in the relationship. Trust that someone who can understand your unique brand of love will benefit more from your ability to love, advises Dr. Manly. “.
